Turning the Page.

Well there goes another year, here and gone in the blink of an eye. As I wrap up this year and finish the pages of this chapter, I look forward to writing the next one. I'm excited to move on and see where the book of my life will go in this next year. Here I go turning the last page of the 15th chapter of my life and starting the pages to the 16th....

Words mean nothing to me.

Words, such silly things we use. We express ourselves through words, we say happy things, sad things, truthful things, sweet things, and the area I'm most experienced in hurtful things. Words used to be so great, the meanings were all so deep and to the point. They were used to express love, sadness, joy and could tell the most beautiful stories. But now words are shallow and don't serve much use, but people in my life sure have mastered the ability to use words to cause a lot of pain to those they love. Hard, cold, hurtful, rude words yelled at each other to find out who can twist beautiful words to hurt the other person the most in order to win. It's so easy for me to reject any loving words from people because I'm so used to words being used as knives to slowly etch their true meanings into my skin. The cut slowly and smoothly as I feel each letters true sting. But they scar over and somewhat heal, one day I'll try the soothing melodious words of love that I hear work wonders. All these words mean nothing to me. 

I am a lover of action. Try and catch me there. 

Survive

Im writing a short fictional story for school heres the beginning:

I woke up in a groggy daze, everything was a blur and hard to see. My eyes and throat burned and a fiery glow touched everything in sight. Confused and lost I fought my way to the bed next to mine, “Angelica get up!” I screamed. Frantically I shuffled through all her sheets she wasn’t there. The smoke flooded my lungs and made me choke.  I stumbled out into the hall and saw a million dancing demons race towards me with their flickering eyes of hell. I dart up the stairs “Momma! Papa!” I choke. I stand at the second story window, the old stained glass glows with vibrant color, and I’m trapped. The flames dance closer and begin to lick at my feet. The heat presses down on me making me heavy while the smoke lures my last short breaths out to play. I turn to the window and thrust all my weight into it once, twice, three times.  It erupts into a crystal shower and I soar through the air surrounded by a rainbow of glass. It was that sort of feeling you have when you wake up from a bad dream. But no, it wasn't a dream. I hit the ground and all my new breath flees from my lips. My eyes water from sheer pain and my breath goes in and out as sharp, shallow rasps. Then all went black.  I woke up to the sound of gruff voices, saying names I thought I recognized. My head was pounding as I tried to stand, “Come on girl get your wits about you” I thought to myself. I checke my watch, 1:42am, then I started listing off things I could remember, “Its October 22nd, well 23rd, Im staying at the Dryden home in New Brunswick. I arrived last night, no one knew I was coming, woke up, the house was on fire, and I jumped out a window. Yep that about covers it." I turned around to see the magnificent structure I had grown to love get swallowed up in flames. My attention then shifted back to the strange voices, I slowly walked towards the a big guy who looked like he was in charge. I heard him say “I was told the man, woman and little girl, then burn everything else to the ground.” “But Im sure there were four people inside.” Said a scrawny kid next to him. “Then make sure no one else comes out!” I took a few steps back and hid in the tall grass. "Who on earth are these people and why are they after my fam-... My friends?" I thought. The Drydens were the only family I knew, they were the only friends I had. When I was 9 years old, my parents left my brother and I with the Drydens for a weekend, but didn't come back. They took us in for three years treating us like their own. They taught us at home, we learned math, writing, reading, French, and basic survival skills. My brother took self defense classes and I started gymnastics. Seeing as we lived in the country side of New Brunswick we loved going on hikes and finding fun adventures. We knew the area like it was just a part of us. Then one day our parents just showed up and said we had to go, just packed our bags and left. They took us from our new family and gave no reason, and leaving my sweet Angelica tore me apart. She was my closest friend, my sweet little sister. We traveled to America and lived in almost every state. My brother kept taking self defense and martial arts classes and I was training to be an Olympic gymnast. But we never stayed in the same place for long. We lived like this for two and a half years. On Matthews 16th birthday my father took him out to breakfast really early. I patiently waited for them to come home and ended up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up to my parents talking in hushed tones at the table. They heard me wake up "Come here Anna," My dad said, "let's have a chat." "What's up?" I 

asked, "Today your brother Matthew joined a group of naturally gifted kids in signing on with a special Op group." My mother explained. "As of today your brother never existed." That was the day that I decided if my brother never existed than neither did I. I continued with my gymnastics, but dropped out from the Olympics and competitions all together. I had a natural ability to blend into the world and float around like a shadow, unseen and unheard. 

Sleep.

Sleep, stop taunting me if you're only going to scare me in my dreams. Sleep, don't come around if you never let me enjoy your company. Sleep, please don't tease me. All I want is to... just sleep.

So please leave me be, and let me sleep. 

What I can do.

Well seems like I just can't do anything right... Thanks for that.

I just can't please anyone can I? Thanks for that.

I'm silent and passive aggressive? You don't know how to fix that? Thanks for saying I'm a problem. 

I know what I can do. Stop being so stubborn, silent and passive aggressive. Forget all my problems and feeling and maybe I can finally fix yours. 

Blog post.

Blog post.

Just can't seem to write.

More to come.